Friday, February 8, 2008

An open letter to whom it may concern:

Dear Favorite Stars,

I know that it is all the rage to become a serious actor. Really, I understand. If it's not too much to ask could you make a watchable movie once in a while? I get that you want to be validated in your career and pretend you have a real job by making a movie that means something, but let's be honest, you only have a job because I find you entertaining. It's a hard reality, but you are my eye candy, my entertainment. For a couple of hours I just want to pretend that I really do live your life.

Leo, I realize that Martin Scorsese is a genius or whatever, but it's time to forge a new director/actor relationship (Think Johnny Depp and Tim Burton.) The Departed...amazing, The Aviator...not so much (the most boring 3 hours of my life). I hate to be brutal but Titanic and Romeo + Juliet made you, if not for that you would be filming The Growing Pains Reunion movies.

George, yes you're attractive, couldn't you do just one little tiny romantic comedy? Or am I going to have to keep watching your weird forays into dark cinematic crap? I don't think you have enough hits to even afford your huge political box office washouts. I kinda understand Oceans Eleven, I'll just skip 12, I didn't even see 13(because of 12), but what else do you have to offer? Michael Clayton, which was awful, only came back to theatres after it was nominated for an Oscar and even then didn't do well. As a regular person in no way affiliated with the Academy (but who helps subsidize your career), Oscar isn't all that matters.

My non-honorable mentions (sheer cinematic torture): Julia Roberts (Pretty Woman to Charlie Wilson's War), Tom Hanks (Saving Private Ryan to The Da Vinci Code).

I wish these A-Lister's would follow the example of truly great actors, for example Christian Bale. Bale not only does the indie, Oscar lovin' films (I'm Not There)but also finds the time to make an occasional blockbuster (Batman Begins). Bale triumphs in the soulful, dark genre; however, he manages to make it fan friendly (while still being Oscar material), .

Matt Damon also comes to mind; with great movies like the Bourne trilogy he can also do the award show movies too (The Good Shepherd, The Departed). He also has a certain charm, a likeability factor both DiCaprio and Clooney lack.

These are just a few of the actors who get it right. Honorable mentions: Kate Winslet (The Holiday to Little Children), Kiera Knightly (Love Actually to Domino), and Brad Pitt (Mr. and Mrs. Smith to Babel).


aly said...


aly said...

ps- very well written!

lyn. said...

Boy, I can see that I don't see near enough movies... haha!

lyn. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Loquacious Leslie said...

I concur! Life can be hard so we go to movies that lift our spirits or make us laugh. Who wants to delve deeply into the dark and depressing? There is plenty of that on the 6:00 news.